Sunday, January 22, 2017

This Place Called Motherhood

A family photo taken 8 years ago!

It's been many months (years?) since I visited my blog, and for quite a few good reasons; a new full time job, a daughter off to college and a side hustle flipping houses with Husband that has monumentally disrupted the flow of motherhood.

Call it the next stage, a new season, or as one of my friends calls it, "a mid life crisis," it' all the same but different, depending on what you do with it.

I used to tell other moms the story about how motherhood changed my life...and my emotions, my body, and my career. Wasn't it funny that everything I knew, was suddenly gone and in its place was a small being whose needs were so demanding, I was literally in a state of shock. The first baby.

And now, all the new mom questions: why didn't anyone tell me that going to the bathroom after giving birth was going to be painful? Why do I feel like a mother lion with her cub? Did I actually fall asleep when I was nursing? Who is going to HELP me, because I feel like I need help.

But, for Husband, nothing really changed. He went back to the same job and the same body. Basically picking up where he left off except with one more mouth to feed. I on the other hand, was a hot mess.

Fast forward seven years later, I was now a mom to three children. Motherhood was fast and furious and slow and debilitating all at the same time. Meals, laundry, a dirty house, juggling schedules and worrying about how to pay the bills for a family of five was the norm. That was a time when "the years went fast, but the days were slow," to quote a mom from a Hallmark movie (of course.)

Oh, there were many moments of joy, some even posted on this blog or on Facebook or in a physical scrapbook (because that was before smartphones and Instagram.) I remember fondly the crayon artwork, bedtime reading rituals, singing, snuggling, and catching our kindergarten-age daughter and her three year-old brother throwing dog food into the pool trying to bait the dog to jump in. Good memories, but they were all tied tight like a rubber band ball of chaos intertwined with hopes of a getaway to Target and a rare date night with Husband.

And now there is today.

As an older mom of a college freshman, a high school sophomore and a sixth grader; a new season has arrived. I was once a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) and then a work-at-home (WAHM) and now a mom who is reinventing herself and rebuilding a career full time and away from home.

Gone are the days of DIY projects and dinners on the table by 5pm. Instead, Husband and I are trying to create a "new norm" that will somehow keep our family communicating, keep a marriage thriving and allow me to pursue the next part of my life. Time has become a precious commodity.

So my question is this; did anyone tell you that aside from how motherhood changed you, that one day you would also have to reinvent yourself ?

A mom friend I recently spoke with reminded me that many moms have similar struggles, just not always a place to voice them. Well, voice them here. Share your story. Where are you now in this place we call motherhood?




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